Friday, May 14, 2010

Jacobi Recruits

I knew it was a mistake the moment it was over. I should have never turned this girl into a vampire.

She came out of nowhere as I was walking out of the woods into a clearing, "Jacobi! Do you know who I am?"

I was surprised that a human, a young human girl of about 16, could sneak up on a vampire. "No I don't, but you know my name and so you must know what I am."

Her smile was wicked. I saw then what she was and still is, a young vampire hunter. "My name is Judi and I do know what you are. You are a cannibal, a leach, a soul stealer. My family was killed by your kind when I was 12. I was adopted by a hunter and trained for a year until I ran off to kill things like you on my own. I've been killing things like you for the past 4 years. I've never killed one so young, but it should be fairly easy. I've come to show you the light."

I couldn't help but chuckle, "The light you say? Do you mean that figuratively or literally?"

"I intend on showing you the sunrise one last time. I'll even give you a chance to give up peacefully since you've killed so many of your own kind. "

"Then why not just let me live and go about my own way? or better yet join me in my silly little quest to destroy all evil."

"I've heard about vampires like you Jacobi, but the thing is over time you all lose emotion and the evil in you wins. So I think it's best if I just end your life now, it's the right thing to do. Save us some bloodshed Jacobi and just give up."

"ha-ha, so do you expect me to just sit with you and watch the sun come over the horizon? Do I even get a kiss?"

"You're a cute little boy, but I don't kiss dead things. What are you like 11 little vampire boy? Is it a deal, or should we just cut the bullshit and get to the fighting?"

"I died when I was 12 and maybe you should have stayed with your trainers longer cause I....ugh" I never even saw it coming. a rapid fire cross bow. I had 5 stakes in my chest before I could even blink. Nailed to a tree and Bleeding badly I realized that I had underestimated this little girl, but then again she didn't truly now what I was capable of either. "GO...Away..Girl"

She looked shocked that I could still talk to her, "You are a strong one Jacobi , Even with a stake in the heart you still fight?"

"Go...Away"

I could see the fear creep into her body as she started to realize I wasn't like the other vampires she has killed in the past. "The sun will be up soon and this will all be over. I don't know how you are still alive with a stake in your heart, but no vampire can survive the sunlight."

"Go!" I say as a final warning.

"No" she whispered.

.1 seconds: I think at this point she knew she was in over her head, but it was too late I was hungry and angry.
.2 seconds I ripped the stakes out of my body.
.4 seconds I close the distance between us
.5 my teeth sink into her neck.

I drain her blood. I should have thought more about what I was about to do. I bite my wrist and she instinctively drank from me.

I knew it was a mistake the moment it was over. I should have never turned this girl into a vampire.

5 comments:

  1. Your pacing felt a little jumpy but it was a solid story. My interest was piqued when Jacobi was nailed to the tree. I would have loved to see this story develop more to show what the vampire girl would become.

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  2. There is a lot to explore in this great piece. You've tapped into the vampire mythology well and managed to twist it in a modern way to keep engagement. Would love to know Jacobi's back story.
    Adam

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  3. I like the vampire angle. I agree, it feels like this snippet is from the middle of a scene, and I'd like to know more about the beginning and the end. Especially why it was a mistake to turn her into a vampire. That's a good thing, to make people want more, right?

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  4. Keep writing. My head is swimming with wandering where Jacobi came from, who turned him, why is he so different, what happens to this hunter turned vampire? So many angles to explore.

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  5. I love endings that leave me wanting more. Way to go on that one! Leaves people wanting to read what you have to write next.
    It could have been a little more descriptive, but all in all, good job!

    http://johnpender.net/2010/05/fiction-friday-155/

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